My partner recently caught a video of me interacting in the wild and I am always struck by just what a painfully awkward kind of person I am in real life. I can't act like a normal person if you put a gun to my head. It requires a level of body language completely alien to me. What it does however is convey a sense of vulnerability and honesty which while not the majority of the population's cup of tea, is very attractive especially to people used to being hurt, relationship vagueness, fakeness, and superficiality. #autism #actuallyautisic
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#actuallyautisic
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#autism #dating #actuallyautisic #trauma #PTSD #CPTSD
One of the things that I have learned over time, is that often you will go into a long term #relationship with sort of an agreement or contract of assumptions about the relationship. Or maybe that's just me because I'm on the spectrum.
However at some point, often quite a few years in, especially if your partner has #trauma issues, something will make it impossible to keep the contract/agreement intact. These are often CORE parts of your agreement and incredibly important to you. This can do one of two things. Destroy the relationship because they broke the contract, or you can work together and with yourself to adjust. What no one ever tells you when they say "relationships require work".
Communication is essential, something I've worked hard at and rarely had issues with over relationships, but with trauma it really does involve work and accepting a reality you never actually signed up for. In sickness and in health.
On the spectrum its very easy to be offended and hurt by this breach of trust. However Love is more than an emotion, it is a promise and at a certain point, if its a choice between the contract or love, especially if they are putting effort into it but just can't. Discovering if they are often requiring communication and probing questions to discover their level of effort if depression and dissociation are involved. It may appear to you that they aren't putting any effort in when they are working so hard just to live with depression, anxiety or trauma. Effort, not outcome is what should define a relationship. Equal effort from all.
Love is also a contract and a promise to work hard to make the relationship work. How much of each contract outweighs the other depends on you. Do you sacrifice something very important for the sake of love, or feel betrayed and burn the love promise in the process.
All I know at this point is that no matter the relationship if I was to burn down the love contract, then try with someone else, this same thing would happen in a unique and likely just as painful way. So if you can salvage it and work together on in. You never signed up for this but that was a blank check written in the love promise. You work at it and don't give up. Verify especially from a therapist that they aren't abusing you in some way psychologically, (and physical abuse is right out) but don't assume your next relationship wont hurt just as much later when this "contract breech" happens again.
You are the only thing you can change, not them, its up to you to decide if your bond or their contract agreement is more important to you.
One of the things that I have learned over time, is that often you will go into a long term #relationship with sort of an agreement or contract of assumptions about the relationship. Or maybe that's just me because I'm on the spectrum.
However at some point, often quite a few years in, especially if your partner has #trauma issues, something will make it impossible to keep the contract/agreement intact. These are often CORE parts of your agreement and incredibly important to you. This can do one of two things. Destroy the relationship because they broke the contract, or you can work together and with yourself to adjust. What no one ever tells you when they say "relationships require work".
Communication is essential, something I've worked hard at and rarely had issues with over relationships, but with trauma it really does involve work and accepting a reality you never actually signed up for. In sickness and in health.
On the spectrum its very easy to be offended and hurt by this breach of trust. However Love is more than an emotion, it is a promise and at a certain point, if its a choice between the contract or love, especially if they are putting effort into it but just can't. Discovering if they are often requiring communication and probing questions to discover their level of effort if depression and dissociation are involved. It may appear to you that they aren't putting any effort in when they are working so hard just to live with depression, anxiety or trauma. Effort, not outcome is what should define a relationship. Equal effort from all.
Love is also a contract and a promise to work hard to make the relationship work. How much of each contract outweighs the other depends on you. Do you sacrifice something very important for the sake of love, or feel betrayed and burn the love promise in the process.
All I know at this point is that no matter the relationship if I was to burn down the love contract, then try with someone else, this same thing would happen in a unique and likely just as painful way. So if you can salvage it and work together on in. You never signed up for this but that was a blank check written in the love promise. You work at it and don't give up. Verify especially from a therapist that they aren't abusing you in some way psychologically, (and physical abuse is right out) but don't assume your next relationship wont hurt just as much later when this "contract breech" happens again.
You are the only thing you can change, not them, its up to you to decide if your bond or their contract agreement is more important to you.
I‘m rewatching #TheBigBangTheory, now 2 years after my #autism diagnosis. I dont know what people dislike about this show. Sheldon makes me feel very validated. his friends making fun of him both shows problems of modern society and boundaries we sometimes dont see (like speaking the truth when someone is already down).
Anyone else?
#actuallyautisic
This week has been incredibly busy (for me), more than 3 things on the calendar (doesn't even matter how "easy" they are, if it's scheduled, it's draining), tons of tiny little tasks.
Pain has been low, fatigue has been (relatively) moderate, so I haven't really white-knuckled like I was doing pretty much every day last year. I've been clear-headed which is really cool, and have been able to do my work and get through stuff.
But I am noticing deficiencies now. Focus is waning, as is my ability to care to put in small efforts. Things are better but still just a little too fast-paced.
I hope I can have an easy week next, where I can have more unstructured flow and choice of tasks (or no tasks). I am healing, I just need to keep enough breathing room.
It's great to see the #Lego group bringing in changes to their stores to make the #neurodivegent experience better. The general public needs more awareness of hidden disabilities to help not only those who are aware of their difficulties, but also for anyone who is bit aware of their own #neurodivergence.
https://www.brickfanatics.com/lego-initiatives-autism-acceptance-month
#autism #actuallyautisic @actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd #adhd
Brick FanaticsLEGO announces Store and House initiatives for Autism Acceptance Month
Am I imagining this or does the world just need a bit of #actuallyautisic justice?
I often feel like humanity makes everything complicated with social games, „nuance“ and trying to defend the perpetrators.
Housing crisis while CEO pay goes up 2000 percent? What would an autistic finance minister do? Would they give a shit about backlash from that group?
I‘m curious. @actuallyautistic
#actuallyautisic Has anyone heard the idea that adults can't be diagnosed with ASD?
I don't buy that for a second but I am just now hearing this.
CW – Suicide Prevention Month (TBI and Suicide)
September is National suicide prevention month and many members of the Invisible Disability Community are at high risk but, they're not alone. Individuals in the LGBTQIA community are "four times more likely" to make such an attempt for much the same reason as disabled individuals. The way they are mistreated and stigmatized in society. It is also the second leading cause of death for young people in the US between the ages of 18 and 25. "Native American communities experience higher rates of suicide compared to all other racial and ethnic groups in the US being the eighth leading cause of death…".
I thought this would be a good time to migrate and repost a piece I did on TBI "traumatic brain injury" and suicide to include these other at risk groups. What can you do if someone in your life is at risk? Spend some time with them, don't be judgmental, listen and love. If you see them being victimized or bullied, stand up and say something.
TBI - Traumatic Brain Injury and Suicide (originally posted Dec 27, 2022)
Why support is so important for those that live with TBI and Brain Injury. Between 2014 to 2017, the traumatic brain injury-linked death rate rose from 16.3 to 17.5 per 100,000 people.
There were 61,131 TBI-linked deaths in 2017 alone, and nearly half of these deaths were by suicide or homicide from 2015 to 2017. Last summer, a rash of suicides on the USS Washington raised questions about lack of support and services said to contribute to these deaths.
The links below present the dismal statistics and some ways to help prevent suicide among the population living with Brain Injuries and other marginalized people.
Traumatic Brain Injury and Suicide | Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/evolutionary-psychiatry/201809/traumatic-brain-injury-and-suicide
cdc.gov
https://www.cdc.gov/suicide/prevention/index.html
TBI and Suicide – PubMed.gov:
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/22329620/
Indigenous communities and suicide:
https://www.publichealthpost.org/databyte/suicide-rates-indigenous/
Trevor Project– LGBTQIA suicide: https://www.thetrevorproject.org/resources/article/facts-about-lgbtq-youth-suicide/
Science Direct:
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0747563205000531
Association between disability and suicide – pub med.gov: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/34465506/
Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay: https://pixabay.com/users/geralt-9301/
#TBI #BrainInjury #suicide #SuicidePrevention #indigenous #native #disability #LGBTQIA #EmotionalSupport #inclusion #love #understanding #education #EndAbleism #DisabilitySolidarity #DisabilityCommunity #Here4All #ActuallyAutisic #InvisibleDisabilityRights #landback #TransLivesMatter
CW – Suicide Prevention Month (TBI and Suicide)
September is National suicide prevention month and many members of the Invisible Disability Community are at high risk but, they're not alone. Individuals in the LGBTQIA community are "four times more likely" to make such an attempt for much the same reason as disabled individuals. The way they are mistreated and stigmatized in society. It is also the second leading cause of death for young people in the US between the ages of 18 and 25. "Native American communities experience higher rates of suicide compared to all other racial and ethnic groups in the US being the eight leading cause of death…".
I thought this would be a good time to migrate and repost a piece I did on TBI "traumatic brain injury" and suicide and include these other at risk groups. What can you do if someone in your life is at risk? Spend some time with them, don't be judgmental, listen and love. if you see them being victimized or believed, stand up and say something.
TBI - Traumatic Brain Injury and Suicide (originally posted Dec 27, 2022)
Why support is so important for those that live with TBI and Brain Injury.
From 2014 to 2017, the traumatic brain injury-linked death rate rose from 16.3 to 17.5 per 100,000 people.
There were 61,131 TBI-linked deaths in 2017 alone, and nearly half of these deaths were by suicide or homicide from 2015 to 2017.
Last summer, a rash of suicides on the USS Washington raised questions about lack of support and services said to contribute to these deaths.
The links below present the dismal statistics and some ways to help prevent suicide among the population living with Brain Injuries and other marginalized people.
Traumatic Brain Injury and Suicide | Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/evolutionary-psychiatry/201809/traumatic-brain-injury-and-suicide
cdc.gov
https://www.cdc.gov/suicide/prevention/index.html
TBI and Suicide – PubMed.gov:
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/22329620/
Indigenous communities and suicide:
https://www.publichealthpost.org/databyte/suicide-rates-indigenous/
Trevor Project– LGBTQIA suicide: https://www.thetrevorproject.org/resources/article/facts-about-lgbtq-youth-suicide/
Science Direct:
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0747563205000531
Association between disability and suicide – pub med.gov: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/34465506/
Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay: https://pixabay.com/users/geralt-9301/
#TBI #BrainInjury #suicide #SuicidePrevention #indigenous #native #disability #LGBTQIA #EmotionalSupport #inclusion #love #understanding #education #EndAbleism #DisabilitySolidarity #DisabilityCommunity #Here4All #ActuallyAutisic #InvisibleDisabilityRights #landback
Hashtag Intro.
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The Proverbial list Evolved:
#InvisibleDisabilityRights #IDR
#LandBack #Indigenous Kahnawá:ke Nia:wen kowa
Behind and beside: #CivilRights #MentalHealth #EndRacism #LGBTQIA #BLM #WomenRights #EqualPay #StopViolence #StopAsianHate #POC Eater of clean foods Anti-AntiSemitic #EndBigotry for #everyone
#BeYou #BeKind #BePatient
#UnityConquers #TearDownTheWall :solidarity: union.place 
Focus: 
#DisabilitySolidarity #DisabledCommunity #EndAbleism #StopAbleistHate #DisabilityAdvocacy #passionate #DisabledVoicesUnite #CrossDisabilitySupport #inclusion #ListeningEar #Here4All #NeurodivergentThinking #neurodiversity
#ConcussionAwareness #TBI #ABI #AnoxicBrainInjury #BrainInjury #SpineInjury #fibromyalgia #LimbDifference #ActuallyAutisic #OrthopedicDisabilities #SticksAndStones #BrokenBones #NaturesPharmaceutical #DisabilityAcceptance #EndAbleistHateCrime #StopAbleistSlurs #DisabilityEconomicJustice #CripTheVote #DisabilityLobby #HumanInterest #NonPartisan #research #Education #Knowledge
#UnityConquers #TearDownTheWall :solidarity:
Un peu de moi?
Je ne parle pas couramment Français. I like using #HashtagsNobodyWillEverSearch
#FilmMaking #Writing #poetry
Ex-#musician #Songwriter Passé 
⚘
#GardenCreator extraordinaire. #FlowerGardens #PhotorealisticImagination
Et Bien plus encore.
, 
, 
, :solidarity: #accommodation for "
" with #InvisibleDisabilities
Just like many of us, this list is incomplete and still evolving. (he, him)
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