Lore Birdsong 🦄<p>Thoughts on being nonbinary.</p><p>2 years ago, at 50 years old, when the illusionary armor of my "manhood" crumbled into the dry dust that it was created from, I exploded in glitter and the desire for soft curves and smooth skin. The amount of emotional pressure that it took to keep all of those aspects in shadow was so great that I was thrown all the way into the full desire to embrace my "womanhood".<br>It was a very exciting, confusing, and exhausting time. My spouse was quietly supportive, but I could see that she was suffering as well. My therapist was a gloriously loving and supportive cheerleader and a steady voice reminding me to practice immediacy and mindfulness.<br>In these past two years of experimenting, shimmering, laughing, and crying, the practices of immediacy, mindfulness, and unconditional self acceptance have been my compass and guiding stars. Reading the journeys of others, many here in the fediverse, I slowly found my home in the universe of gender identity and sexuality.<br>As with everything else in my life, I found myself longing for the middle ground.<br>I know in my being that I am not "man".<br>I know I'm my being that I am not "woman"<br>I know I'm my being that I am neither/both/somewhere gently flowing in-between.<br>I am not hetero or homo sexual. When I am feeling sexual, it normally unfolds into a desire to connect and play on a physical level with another wholehearted being, their gender identity doesn't matter just the connection and willingness to play.<br>My relationship with my spouse has blossomed in the same way. The interesting thing about practicing unconditional self acceptance is that it doesn't stop there. It rolls onto everyone. It has entirely remade my relationships.</p><p>Recently, I was turned on to Alok Vaid-Menon and when they spoke of being truly nonbinary, not just in gender but in every way, it reminded me of the Buddhist principle of non-duality. Suddenly, it all clicked for me. I've been seeking nonbinary since puberty which is around when I first read Zen Mind Beginner's Mind by Suzuki and Sidhartha by Herman Hesse.<br>That's the story of my journey so far. Now, a little tea, take the dogs out, then a massage and reiki appointment.<br>You are all and each so very beautiful.</p><p><a href="https://fandom.garden/tags/nonbinary" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>nonbinary</span></a> <a href="https://fandom.garden/tags/genderfluid" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>genderfluid</span></a> <a href="https://fandom.garden/tags/nonduality" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>nonduality</span></a> <a href="https://fandom.garden/tags/mindfulness" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>mindfulness</span></a> <a href="https://fandom.garden/tags/zen" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>zen</span></a> <a href="https://fandom.garden/tags/greysexual" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>greysexual</span></a> <a href="https://fandom.garden/tags/demisexual" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>demisexual</span></a></p>